Growing Up Talented

My whole life I was told I was talented.

I was 3 years old when I started school.
I was 3 years old when I did my first musical and I still remember the song to this day.
I was 4 years old when I had my first ballet class.
I was 6 years old when I was sent into the gifted and talented class.
I was 7 years old when I got sent to the advanced dance class.
I was 7 years old when I had my first lead in a big production musical.
I was 8 years old when I got my first bad part in the theatre.
I was 10 years old when I got my first knee injury.
I was 11 years old when I got my first B.
I was 12 years old when I got my confidence crushed.

I do not believe growing up talented was a mistake. I thoroughly enjoyed it for the most part. The problem wasn't my voice, or my flexibility, the problem was my focus. All my life I was told I was talented. I had built my whole entire life around being talented, it was who I was, and when my confidence was crushed in 7th grade, my life was too.

Now I did not turn away from God, I clung ever so tightly to him. But from that moment I clung to him and away from my talents. I begin to dread singing in front of people or dance class. I joined competition teams for both singing and dancing in hopes to find that feeling and confidence again but I had no such luck, even when I won. I still felt like a loser. By the time I entered my senior year, I was done trying. To be honest, I really had not had that good of luck with my so called 'talents' and I was tired of being let down. Senior year was different, I got roles in the plays and the musicals but still I had that jerk of little head voice telling me it was just because I was a senior that I got those roles. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't.

By summer again, every ounce of confidence was lost. I hated singing in front of people, to the point where I stopped singing in the shower.

Every year I go to a camp in Rowy, Poland where I serve as a leader but mostly as an American. (Though I would like everyone to know I am half Polish and yes I know when you're talking about me). My dad is always pushing me outside my comfort zones which is nice, annoying, but somehow still nice. After asking me all week to sing in the praise band I finally gave in and said yes.

But then I got scared and didn't show up for practice.
So the next day, which was the last day, (I was so close!) I sang. For the first time since May, I sang.

And let me tell you, something clicked. I was singing for the Lord, and I knew I was wrong for holding back so many years. God has blessed everyone with a different talent, some of them popular some of them not, some of them high paying, some of them not. But He has blessed you with talents. I stood there in front of the microphone with overwhelming guilt of taking advantage of my God's gift to me. Right there, in front of 70 people I raised my hand and praised my Lord with my voice singing as loud and as proud as I could.

Hebrews 13:16

16 And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.

God Bless,
Kasia

Oh, I also spoke which was also terrifying but another story.

My favorite place in the whole wide world ;)

 PS. Filip took these photos because he'd probably get mad if I didn't give him credit.