I'm going to be taking myself and my blog through the lessons I've learned and still learning throughout this year. And here's the first one...
Sophomore year was a new year! I understood college, I knew where everything was, I knew people. I had a new job! (which would turn into THREE NEW JOBS and is a complete different post) I was so EXCITED for the fun this year had in stock!!!
I also KNEW (eye roll from present day me) I was going to get a boyfriend. Yeah, that's right. I had my eyes set on someone and it was going to WORK because I had GOD ON MY SIDE. ....bruh..... But that was little naive first semester sophomore me. She had so much learn. poor girl.
Guys, I want to go into detail but I also don't want to completely ruin every relationship I have by being tooooo transparent.
Needless to say, it didn't work. Over and over and over I tried bc I REALLY LIKED THIS GUY. And God loves me!!! So why wasn't it working!?
If you go to a Christian University, you might understand my pain. If you aren't in a relationship, you are already married. If you aren't engaged by the time your 20 are you even a CHRISTIAN!? Ring by Spring is REAL YALL. ITS REAL.
You might think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not kidding when I say I stopped COUNTING when I hit 25 of my friends engaged over Christmas break. That's not counting the ones who came into the semester engaged, or the ones who got engaged over thanksgiving break, random weekends, valentines day....spring break.....anyways. You get my point.
I'm alone.
Which is something that I realllllly struggle with! I live 689 miles away from home. 689 from my family. And at the beginning of the semester, I didn't have the strong friendships like I do now. So it was hard.
On top of everything, everyone is in a relationship!?
I know this isn't true, because over half of my friends are single. But remember this is little naive pre first semester of sophomore year Kasia.
AND SHE HAD A TIMELINE YALL!!! I need to start dating NOW bc I need to be engaged by my Senior year so that I can plan my wedding and be married the day after I graduate!!!! thats how it works at a Christian college!!!!!!!!!!!!
If we fast forward to present day Kasia, she's still single. Shocker. (not to say boys haven't liked me..okay!!! I go on dates!!!!)
I just got my fifth wedding invitation for this summer alone. And I kinda just stared at the envelope with a deadpan look of remorse. I'M 19!?!?!? AND NOT IN A RELATIONSHIPPPPPP
WOAAAAH IS MEEEE.
STOP.
This is what this 'Christian' University culture is teaching us!!!
It happens for two reasons
- One reason is less sinister and is simply because we are surrounded by people who have the same faith of us which makes it easier to find a 'soulmate'.
- The second reason is more in depth. As a Christian culture, little girls are taught to "be fruitful and multiply!" We are shoved the words of Proverbs 31. "Be a proverbs 31 woman."
We are constantly reminded that SEX IS OF THE DEVIL UNLESS YOUR MARRIED BC ONLY MARRIED PEOPLE GET TO HAVE IT. (Don't turn a blind eye and pretend that half of these people aren't getting married quickly because they want to have sex. ITS DA TRUTH)
I'm not saying that getting married young is wrong. I'm saying that the feeling of HAVING to get married young is wrong.
I am 19 YEARS OLD. (almost 20 thank you for asking, my birthday is August 26 I like starbucks and cats) But I feel like I'm already an old maid!!! Because the timeline implanted in my head isn't working!
We watch these movies, even 27 dresses, and think "wow she's complete now, she gots a man"
Well honey boo boo, I got news for you. You were complete before a you had a man in your life. You will be complete without a man in your life. You may be a lil lonely, but you're complete.
Its hard to hear. Because of the lessons we learned as child from society - from church, from the movies, from music.
Love is the center of everything. This is true and not wrong!
But the right kind of love is often ignored. Even the church (woah what!!!) gets this wrong. As little kids we are stuffed with the story of Ruth. GO GET YOUR BOAZ!!!
You know what, maybe i WILL! But I would like to point out that Ruth was most likely around 40 years old when she married Boaz and he was about 80. Romance.
Back to the Love thing...God is LOVE. This is also something that is usually shoved down our throats as young children in Sunday School. God is love. And another truth is that love conquers ALL. But God's love is NOT a romantic love. This is a sermon that I also believe several of us have all heard before. There's storge, the family love, there's philia, the affection love, there's eros - the romantic love. But God's love is AGAPE love. Selfless love. I feel so often people, and THE CHURCH, are confusing agape with eros. We want the feeling of agape but we're using the feeling of eros to complete us.
We NEED AGAPE love yet it seems we use EROS love instead.
So with all that being said, I would like to conclude that
1. It is OKAY to get married when you're young.
2. It is OKAY to meet your spouse in college!
3. It is NOT OKAY to teach children their entire worth is in their future spouse.
4. It is NOT OKAY to make people feel like they are worthless or less than because they are single!
5. It is NOT OKAY how the church treats single people as they are incomplete!
I know this probably sounds complete CRAZY to my friends who don't attend Christian universities that someone who is only 19 (almost 20!!!) feels like she is behind on getting married. But I know my friends that i go to school with feel this a lot!!!
So this finishes my first sophomore series of lessons I learned. You don't need a man (or woman) to complete you!!!! Live your life. If you meet someone when you're 16 or 60, thats whats meant to be.
As always,
God Bless!
Kasia.
Also, here's a video from blimeycow that completely sums up what it feels like to be single on a Christian Campus.
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